in depth...

Many helicopters are flying toward the enemy for an attack. Each helicopter has 4 soldiers in it.Bob is so eager for an attack on the enemy, apparently he has been excited for this time to strike back. Suddenly a voice from behind him speaks, "where is your parachute Bob?" Bob turns around and sees Joe standingthere with a confused look. As soon as Bob takes in the words Joe has just said, he jumps in horror to seethat he has left his chute back at the base. Bob panics as the piolit gives a 5 minute warning, he searches for extra chutes within the helicopter but does not come across any. Joe then suggests to throw their baggageout of the plane first as all the others depart, and for the both of them to share a parachute. Bob agrees and thanks Joe for the offer. As the other soldiers drop to the ground, Joe and Bob throw their bags (full of weapons) along with them. They then depart. A big thunderous boom sounds and shakes as the two soldiers hitthe ground under one chute. They uncover the chute that buries them to find that many of their allies have been taken hostage and Bob and Joe are held at gun point by some of their very own weaponry. The enemies ask the two soldiers if they have any last words. As Joe squeals is agony for his family, Bob skillfully reaches for a weapon in his bag that lays only a few feet beside him. Bob's unnoticed action is really a reach for his forgotten parachute which opens with such intensity it knocks all the enemies off their feet!

I changed my story...

A big mistake can save your life...

1. Bob sits in army helicopter awaiting the arrival for battle

2. Joe comes up behind Bob and asks him where his chute is

3. Bob begins to panic as the piolit gives the signal for departure

4. Bob hunts the helicopter down for extra parachutes but can't find any

5. Joe suggests to Bob that they drop their armor to the ground and share a chute

6. They go for it, taking weight off the two of them, they drop the armor to the ground. As they skydive to the ground,the enemy grabs Bob and Joe's guns off their packs, surrounds the two, aims at them, and gives them their last words

7. While Joe begs for mercy, Bob slowly reaches for his pack for protection, pulling out what he thinks is a rope, is really his "forgotten" parachute which opens with such intensity it knocks all the enemies off their feet!

Mind Map

Concept Statement and 7 sentences

A big mistake can save your life

1. Bob is siting ontop of the only tree around, hiding his food in a place on the tree that is not very sturdy

2. Roy is hungry and desires food in the middle of nowhere

3. Roy sights Bob and begins to go after his food or him, because there is no other food

4. Bob begins to drift down the tree in search of more food

5. Roy climbs up tree, and runs into Bob

6. The battle begins, the two start fighting, rolling around in the tree. Bob falls off and onto the ground, leaving Roy up in the tree and eating the food

7. Bob walks away from the tree all sad, right as Roy puts a cherry in his mouth, the tree collapses and Roy dies, putting a surprised dreadful, satisfactory look on Bob's face